


Aunque me haga daño

by elshollow



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Borderline Personality Disorder, Countries Using Human Names, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Language, Multiple Pairings, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, i'll add tags as i go!, mostly spamano and gerita but there are def many more to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 13:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elshollow/pseuds/elshollow
Summary: Modern high school AU. Coming of age story following Lovino’s journey as a high school freshman struggling with bpd, anxiety, and the storm of emotions he experiences every day. He thinks it’s going to be a drab and stressful experience until he meets Antonio, who brightens up his life and helps him grow and understand himself.Title translates to: Even if it hurts me





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is more than anything a fun project I used to vent and practice my writing, it's not meant to be super angsty or tragic but will have its emotional bits. Shoutout to my pal Marcie for doing a wonderful job editing!! Title was inspired by a line from Sobreviviré by Monica Naranjo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOoS0LcFHpA which is one of my all time favorite songs

Lovino snuck a glance at the time displayed on his computer screen while typing furiously. It was nearly 2am again. 

“Fuck. Why do I always do this?” he scolded himself. He swore he wouldn’t wait until the last day to finish his summer homework. Lovino’s fingers slid over the keys swiftly, set on finishing the paper in time to get at least an hour of sleep. 

Despite Lovino’s focus, his grandfather’s voice impelled its way into his thoughts. 

_‘Listen, I’m not comparing you to your friends, but take a look around you for once! Look at where everyone else your age is at and get an idea of where you should be! Even little Feliciano is excelling in most of his classes, you should be too.’_

_I’m not him._

_‘Are you doing this on purpose? C’mon Lovino at least say something, I’ve done nothing but support you and not a single thing has changed! Your grades have been such a fight, and lately it’s felt like pulling teeth trying to get you to even mention school, what’s wrong with you?’_

_I’m trying my best._

_‘I’m trying my best to be a parent to you Lovino, but my patience is wearing thin. I’m growing desperate trying to get you to respond. I’ve seen you focus and work hard on your goddamn drawings all the time, I don’t understand why you refuse to do the same for things that I ask you to do. We’ve been over this, academics always come first.’_

_I don’t understand either._

_‘Look, maybe this just isn’t going to work out. I love you Lovino, but I’m running out of ideas to get you to respond. If there’s no change in your grades by the time your freshman year is over, I’m going to talk to some of your cousins to see what we can do about you moving in with them.’_

_I’m sorry._

2:57am. 

Lovino’s fists clenched violently over his keyboard. It took him a few seconds to realize it wasn’t his computer screen that was blurry, but his eyes.

“Stupid fucking grandpa,” he hissed under his breath, forcing himself to continue typing. 

Lovino was too young to remember his mother’s death, and it honestly didn’t even cross his mind to feel sad. How could he miss someone he didn’t even remember? His grandfather’s reaction was starkly different, however; according to some of Lovino’s older relatives, his grandfather became so depressed the family wondered if he would even be fit to take care of his grandsons. When Lovino heard this, he was determined to be the strong one for his family.

Throughout their childhood, Lovino and his brother had been talented kids; they would score into the highest classes their school offered and consistently win awards for their writing, art, or some other subject Lovino couldn’t care less about. It wasn’t until late elementary school when Lovino realized something was changing. 

As time passed, he would fail to place in the highest classes, bring home as many awards, and even lost a grip on the grades he earned so easily during his earlier years. How could he be the rock of the family if he struggled with something he had excelled at as early as he could remember?

Which is why by the time Lovino realized he needed help in school, he was too ashamed and embarrassed to say anything. Lovino’s self confidence began to waver. 

The fact that his brother had no problem rising to his grandfather’s expectations only shook Lovino’s confidence even more. Everything he had worked so hard to cultivate in himself, only to fail at miserably, his brother achieved with ease. 

When Lovino failed to make friends, his brother prospered. When Lovino fell short with his grades, Feliciano excelled. When Lovino could not comfort his grandfather in times of turmoil, Feliciano’s smile brought him nothing but joy. When Lovino produced nothing but failure after failure, his brother shone through. 

Despite his clumsiness, cowardice, and naivete, Feliciano would always perform better than him. Lovino grew to hate that about Feliciano, and he hated himself even more for feeling resentful. 

Lovino wanted nothing more but to be a beacon of strength and comfort to his beloved grandfather and dear little Feliciano. Lovino hated that as the years passed, his love for his brother was gradually being replaced by jealousy and contempt. Each day was a fight to keep his love alive. 

3:41am

The words on Lovino’s monitor appeared slower and slower. 

“Fuck,” he exhaled tiredly. Where did the time go? 

The clattering of fingers on keys came to a disheartened stop.

“One year,” Lovino whispered to himself. He had one year to make his grandfather eat his words, one year to prove himself. His hands shook slightly. Could he really do it? Could he turn things around? No, he had to do it--he was going to do it. Lovino was going to show his grandfather that he was still worth loving.


	2. Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of school! We meet the gang- part of it, at least.

The morning was too cold, the road was too muddy, and Feliciano’s voice was too loud. He was going on about something or other regarding soccer and making new friends. The soccer part was the only thing that sort of interested Lovino. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy soccer very much,he loved it in fact,--it was getting along with others that made him anxious. 

He never really seemed to have a lot of friends. Lovino had a hard time finding his words, so being in a situation that depended almost completely on constant communication was absolute hell. As a kid he often got into arguments with children in the neighborhood because of how quickly he’d lose his temper. No one understood him, and no one even bothered to take the time. He let himself get lost in thought too long, got annoyed, walked a bit too briskly, and stumbled awkwardly.

“-Lovi are you alright?” Feli exclaimed all too worriedly. It only annoyed Lovino even more. His brother always worried about him too much. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m fine just leave me alone!” He spit out angrily. He didn’t mean it. It was always like this, the fiery outbursts and the overwhelming guilt that followed. Everything he felt was so intense-so concentrated. It could be sadness, or anger, or elation, or guilt-- it all felt so consuming and exhausting. Nothing was more draining than feeling, and Lovino hated it.

 _“Merda_ we’re gonna be late,” he huffed. Feli skipped quickly to catch up. 

“Ah, I’m sorry I made us late Lovino, I just really wanted to make sure lunch for our first day was really good especially since Francis would always go on about how bad the cafeteria food tastes, I had to be sure it was fresh so I _had_ to make it this morning you know where the time goes…” God, Feli’s rambling always made him want to scream. He’d always go on and on and never get to the point, and by the time Lovino stopped being annoyed he’d missed everything. “...and oh! Talking about Francis! He said that he wouldn’t mind introducing us to some of his friends so we don’t feel so lonely going into school! He told us to meet him by that big amazing tree we saw during orientation, you remember it right, Lovi? Isn’t that just so great, our first day, and we’re already going to make friends! I wonder if they’ll like my lunch-oh! I should have packed more to share!” 

Lovino grumbled a barely audible response; it was all he could do to keep himself from blowing up at his brother. That was another thing that made his blood boil, just how perfect little Feli was. He could cook, sing, dance, and draw, not to mention he inherited his grandfather’s good looks. Everything he did was just so...beautiful. Lovino knew his anger was misplaced, but he couldn’t help it. The lack of control made him even more upset. 

Lovino loved his brother dearly, more than anyone, maybe even grandpa, so feeling that heated frustration that festered within him every time Feliciano did something charming made his self hatred grow all the more concentrated. How could he say he loved Feli when he felt such jealousy? It was disgusting. 

The rest of the walk was filled with more of Feli’s excited rambling, and Lovino’s occasional grunts in response. By the time they got to school, Lovi had finally calmed down, though his gross feelings from earlier threatened to fight their way into his mind again. It took all his strength to suppress them. 

“Do you remember where your first period is? I won’t be able to walk you there this time, just follow the instructions I left you on your schedule and you should get there on time,” Lovino said matter-of-factly as they approached a fork in the hallway. He really wished he could make sure Feliciano got to class on time, but he had to learn how to function on his own eventually. Even if Feli got to class late, the teachers would probably still love him and let him off easy. 

“Yes, I made sure to go over it last night! There’s no way I’ll get lost, I even looked up where the principal’s office is so that I could go ask for more directions _just_ in case I do, but I’m sure I won’t because you’re so good at these things, Lovi!” The compliment rolled off Lovino like water on wax; he sighed his response. 

“Just hurry up.” Lovino quickly turned the corner down the hall that led to his first class- Spanish. It was such a dumb language; like Italian but much less amazing, the words were confusing and wrong, and Lovino really didn’t understand why he had to take the damn class if he was already bilingual. He figured he might as well get it over with now instead of later. 

The classroom was just as cold inside as it was outside. Lovino shivered and looked for the teacher. There were far more students on one side of the class than the other, there could be no more than 5 or 6 on the side with less. He made accidental eye contact with one of them, but it was quickly interrupted with a soft voice coming from the opposite end of the class. 

“Hello there, this is the room for Spanish I and AP Spanish! Sorry it’s so disorganized this year, just try to find a seat. I’m in the middle of taking roll, what’s your last name?” Lovino was taken aback by how pretty she was, and more than a little flustered to be the center of attention. 

“Vargas,” he said flatly. Lovino always came across as rude when he was trying to calm his nerves for some reason. It made him scold himself internally. 

“Lucky you! We haven’t gotten there yet, looks like you’re still on time for today,” she responded warmly. Apparently, she didn’t notice. 

Lovino made his way to the side with more students, and took a seat in the second row, assuming it was where the Spanish I kids sat. He set his backpack down absentmindedly, and rested his chin on his hand as he looked at the wall covered in colorful posters with basic spanish words and phrases on them. Class just started, and he was already uninterested. 

The teacher continued where she left off taking roll, and Lovino’s mind quickly wandered to more pressing things: Did Feli make it to class on time- or at all? What did Feli pack for lunch for him, anyway? Maybe Francis would let him hang out with his group all year. Lovino wasn't so much interested in them; more than anything he was expecting this to be yet another year without any friends his age. His train of thought was derailed when he realized he was making eye contact with the student from earlier again- this time he got a better look at him. He had very… _warm_ eyes. Lovino was immediately uncomfortable, and looked away quickly. 

The rest of the period went by surprisingly fast. Lovino had zoned out for a good portion of it, and began to worry about falling behind in class already. Why was school so difficult for him now? Day one, and he already felt sick and miserable. 

His next two classes went by excruciatingly slow, most likely due to his lack of sleep the night before. He really couldn’t wait to get home already. As soon as the lunch bell rang, he went straight to the place Feli said Francis would be. It was a pretty sizeable tree by an edge of the gate that surrounded the school, with some benches nearby. There were a few students here and there, thankfully he quickly spotted Francis and Feliciano among them. It was nearly impossible to miss Francis, his clothes were always so flashy. 

“Oh Lovi, Lovi, I’m so glad you’re finally here! Francis has been telling me all about school and what to prepare for and--oh! I ended up making it to class late, but the teacher was so nice she told me not to worry about it because it was the first day and those things just happen sometimes! High school is just so wonderful don’t you think?” It was incredible how much Feli could say in one breath. The way his little brother could be so open with his feelings would always confuse Lovino; it made him envious and frustrated at his own trouble with expressing himself. 

Francis entered the conversation with a laugh. “I’m so glad to hear you’re having fun, my sweet friend! There are so many fantastic things for you to experience in high school, and I’m more than happy to help you with _anything_ you need,” he ended suavely. Francis was usually pretty annoying, but at the moment his familiar presence was more comforting than anything- that is, until his friend was introduced. 

“Quit lying to the poor kids, you know high school totally blows,” exclaimed an obnoxious voice from behind Francis. The newcomer confidently strutted towards the three of them, putting an arm around Francis’s shoulders before continuing. “Don’t listen to anything Francis says, high school is just going to be four boring years filled with boring work and lame people you’ll never talk to again.” He ended his statement with a snort and had a look of.. Pride? This guy was unbearable already. 

“You wound me!” Francis replied in a fake distraught voice, he emphasized his words with a dramatic look to the side, making sure his hair brushed against the boy’s face. The annoying newcomer only laughed boisterously in response before shifting his attention to Lovino and his brother. Lovi was starting to regret meeting up with Francis.

“Sorry for such a…sudden introduction. This troublemaker here is my friend Gilbert, I’ve mentioned him a few times before…” Francis’s tone came across as exasperated, but it was obvious that the two were close, and this wasn’t the first time Gilbert had come barging into a conversation to give his two cents. 

“Gilbert Beilschmidt, you won’t forget me,” he added smugly. 

“Feliciano Vargas!” Feli exclaimed happily. “But everyone calls me Feli, I know my name can be a mouthful, so it’s really no problem! I used to not like it because it was so hard for people to say, but I’ve warmed up to it, and now I love it because I found out my grandpa gave it to me! I think it’s cool that we both have names that are hard to pronounce, where is Bel-um, Belshmit from?” 

Gilbert was physically trying to hold back laughter. It wasn’t unusual for people to be caught a little off guard when first hearing Feli speak, but Gilbert’s reaction was much more obvious. Lovino felt his anger swelling up; this idiot better not say something stupid and make Feliciano cry. 

Gilbert smiled and responded with a hint of something Lovi couldn’t quite place-- amusement, maybe? Whatever it was, he hated it. 

“It’s Prussian! Francis here will go to his grave swearing it’s German, but don’t listen to the shit he says. I’m Prussian through and through.” The smugness returned to his face. Francis rolled his eyes.

Christ, this really was going to be another awful year. 

Gilbert and Feli continued their colorful conversation, and Lovino’s anger began to cool. His attention turned to his buzzing phone. 

**_From: Bella_ ** _  
hey!! how’s your first day of school going so far :3 ?? isn’t high school super cool???_

Actually, there _was_ one person who took the time to understand him. Her message made all of Lovi’s frustrations melt away. Why was he upset again? 

**_From: Lovi_**  
_Lol. It fucking sucks. Class is super boring and the people are even worse.  
Wish you were here. _

**_From: Bella_**  
_aww just give it a chance, its only day one! youll do great, I know you will!!  
but hey, if you need anything, i’ll be right here :3c !! _

**_From: Lovi_**  
_Pfft, sure, whatever.  
Thanks._

Before Lovi could hit send, he was distracted by the mention of his name. He was annoyed once again. “What?” he growled, scowling at the group. 

“..a few minutes older than m-” Feli continued before abruptly coming to a stop followed by a genuinely amused laugh. “You’re so funny Lovi! Gilbert was just asking you your name but since you didn’t answer I told him, then I was about to tell him how you’re a little bit older than me, even though I’m a little taller than you!”

Ugh. 

Lovino decided not to respond and looked back at his phone, pressing send before taking a seat under the tree, a little to the left of the group. 

Lovino scanned the schoolyard intently. So many students, so many lives. They probably all had it together. They probably all had an idea of what college they wanted to go to, or at least some idea of what career path to take. Lovino hated being the only one falling behind. 

Didn’t Francis have another friend? 

Suddenly reminded of Gilbert, Lovi snorted in annoyance. Whatever the case, the less people the better.

Lovino hadn’t realized how much time had passed until his stomach growled. He turned his attention to the group again, waiting to see if Feli had brought out his lunch yet. 

He hadn’t. Shit.

Feli’s lunch lay waiting, stuffed securely in his backpack. On top of all his other school supplies most likely, he wouldn't put it past Feliciano to value his food more than schoolwork. 

Lovi’s stomach growled again. All he had to do was go up to Feli and ask for his lunch, then he could go right back to his comfy patch of grass under the tree. That’s all he had to do. That simple, he told himself. 

Just, barge up to the group of people having a good time without you and demand food. 

Ugh. 

Lovino was completely frozen and the panic was quickly setting in. Had set in, Fuck. His mind was static, his sweat was cold. All he had to do was ask, that’s it. He felt like he was drowning. His voice was gone. _Just ask._

Lovino’s panic gradually turned into frustration, then to anger. Fuck it, he didn’t need lunch. He brought his phone back out and pretended to be engaged in some random app while he listened in to what the group was chatting up a storm about. 

Francis’s familiar voice was the first Lovino noticed. “So, Gil, is Lud still planning on joining the music club?”

Gilbert huffed, “Yeah, I don’t know how he and that annoying ass club leader get along. I don’t care, as long as I don’t have to hang out with his stupid friends.”

The smugness was evident in Francis’s chuckle in response. “You talking about that girl that kicked yo-”

“Anyway!” Gilbert interrupted loudly, “ I just don’t like them because they’re annoying, stuck up, petty music nerds.” 

“Says the musician.” 

Gilbert snorted. “Shut up.” 

“You have to admit though,” Francis replied while delicately taking his lunch bag out of his backpack, “him and his girlfriend are gorgeous, what was her name again?” 

“I’ll admit they’re annoying,” Gilbert hissed. “Anyway they aren’t dating, they’re just childhood friends or something. And I don’t care enough to remember.” 

“Already getting friendly with them?” Francis replied suggestively. 

Gilbert groaned in annoyance, “Just some shit I heard from Ludwig.”

“Uh, who’s Ludwig?” Feli asked in confusion.

Gilbert eagerly spun to Feli, thankful for the change in subject. “My little bro! Love him to death but he’s into the weirdest shit. He was supposed to eat with us today now that I think about it, but I guess his lame ass club meeting is running late.” He took a few bites of his food before turning back to Francis. “Hey, wasn’t Toni supposed to come, too?” 

“Spanish club,” Francis responded without looking up from his phone. 

“Oh yeah, huh. What the fuck, how lame.” Gilbert whipped out his phone and started furiously typing with one hand while taking a swig of his water with the other. 

After being lost in thought for a few seconds, Feli finally realized the others were eating, “Hey Lovi, come over and get your food!” He laughed as brightly as usual as he added, “I’m surprised you didn’t remind me earlier, you’re usually so eager to eat!”

Lovi scowled and pretended he hadn’t been eavesdropping the entire time, “Whatever.” He settled back into the circle, the anxiety threatening to drown him only minutes before now completely forgotten. “So, are more people coming or something?”

“Yeah, there were supposed to be. First week is always busy for clubs though, everyone wants to get a head start preparing for the first festival,” said Francis. 

Festival… Feli had mentioned he was excited about the club festivals during summer break, apparently clubs would go all out to try and recruit members at the beginning and middle of the year. Though, more than anything, Feli was looking forward to the snacks. “I see,” Lovi responded pensively. 

Lovino heard Gilbert scoff and toss his phone on his backpack in frustration; it probably had something to do with the friends they were talking about. Lovi's stomach churned at the thought of not only more people joining their little group, but people who were actively participating in club activities from day one. It served as another reminder that Lovino was falling behind faster than he even realized. 

“So, which classes are you guys taking?” Francis interrupted Lovi’s increasingly panicked train of thought.

“Gross, dude, no one wants to talk about school,” Gilbert interjected. “So what kind of shows do you guys watch?”

Francis responded in playful annoyance, “You’re gonna have to start caring about school _some_ time. What were your grades last year again?”

“Excuse you, I’m _Gilbert Beilschmidt,_ I’m great at _everything_. I don’t have to care about school to be amazing.” Gilbert spun around so that he was physically turning his back to Francis. “Anyway, forget shows, you guys play any games?”

“Yeah!” Feli perked up excitedly. “I play Pokemon, Mario, Zelda, Harvest Moon, mostly Nintendo games and RPGs, but sometimes I play shooters with Lovi since no one else will play with him, I’m not very good but they’re still fun!” 

Lovino felt the pit of his stomach physically getting hotter at every word that so easily spilled from Feli’s mouth. Christ, the first day of school and everyone already knew he had no friends. Feli might as well have announced it to the entire school, and with how loudly he spoke, Lovi wouldn’t be surprised if they all already knew. 

Francis exaggeratedly leaned over Gilbert’s shoulder, clearly comfortable with pushing his boundaries, “Hey, a friend of mine plays a lot of those games, you should meet him. He’s been wanting to play the new pokemon game with more people.” 

Feli radiated even more giddiness than before. “Yes, oh my god that would be so much fun, we could even do a battle royale since we have enough trainers now! Well, that’s if you have pokemon too, I hope so, it would be so exciting!”

“Hey, battle me, and when I win you have to do my stupid junior project,” Gilbert added jokingly.

“You’d be so much better if you IV bred, Gilbert!” Francis stated while rolling his eyes. 

Gilbert groaned and threw his head back, “That’s so stupid! It takes way too long and sucks the fun out of the game, I just want to kick people’s asses!” Gilbert glared at Francis accusingly. “And besides, you don’t even breed your own pokemon! _Matthew_ breeds them and gives them to you because he likes you.” 

Francis glared back at Gilbert, “I can’t believe you would ever accuse me of being anything less than an elegant and powerful self-made trainer.”

“If the shoe fits.” Gilbert laughed. 

Maybe Lovi could get used to this. It was a little fun watching Francis and Gilbert go back and forth. The less Lovi had to add to the conversation the better, it meant there was less of a chance he would screw things up. Lunch was actually going better than expected, it was probably a good idea to quit while he was ahead. 

Lovi abruptly stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder, “I’m going to the bathroom.” 

“Why are you taking your backpack?” Feli asked, genuine concern, almost hurt, on his face. 

Lovi's face hardened and he actively avoided looking at Gilbert and Francis, “I’m going to class after.” Few things made him more uncomfortable than people feeling sorry for him, especially his brother. 

“Oh...ok! I’ll meet you by the back gate after school?” Feliciano went from crestfallen to jubilant in an instant, just being around the sudden switch made Lovi feel emotionally drained.

“Yeah,” Lovino responded flatly. It made him angry that the tiniest hint of pity could set him off so quickly.

Lovi glanced in the direction Gilbert and Francis were sitting, accidentally making eye contact with the former. He hadn’t noticed before but his eyes were almost red- were red. And purple? They were an interesting color. Shit- Lovi hadn’t realized he was squinting, Gilbert probably thought he was dogging him out. “See you guys.” He quickly put on the second strap of his backpack and briskly walked away.

“Bye~”

“See ya, dude.”

Once he was out of sight he picked up his pace and lightly jogged towards the office. If Lovino remembered correctly, there was a bulletin near the entrance that had a bunch of fliers about the clubs at school. Maybe they had a fashion club or something. 

_‘I’ve seen you focus and work hard on your goddamn drawings all the time, I don’t understand why you refuse to do the same for things that I ask you to do. We’ve been over this, academics always come first.’_

Fuck. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to look at some nerdy clubs too. The sound of his grandfather’s words in his head came with a rush of emotions so intense it nearly felt like they would physically knock him over. Lovi almost walked right past the entrance to the office. 

The board was messily covered with a plethora of highly saturated posters of all kinds, some were neatly placed upright with a clean and legible font while others were taped on top of multiple older posters even though there was a little box of thumb tacks on the table to the right of the display. Some posters just had sharpie written all over them. 

Academic decathlon club, model UN club, French club, Spanish club, anime club… Nothing interested him in particular. Maybe French club would have good snacks during the club festival… Lovino wondered why Francis wasn’t a part of it. Maybe joining Spanish club would help him with his Spanish. Oh, fashion club! Lovino nearly missed the cream colored paper partially covered by the chess and chemistry club fliers. Spanish club would be more useful, but fashion club would be more fun, but if Lovi’s grandfather found out he joined a fashion club he would definitely give him shit for it. Fuck that, though. Maybe he could- 

The wind was suddenly knocked out of his lungs- one of his hands was clumsily clutching onto the table’s edge on his side, and the other was sprawled on something- someone’s hoodie? “What the fuck?”

“Oh shit I’m sorry about that dude, I didn’t see you there!” A beaming voice jolted Lovi back to reality and before he knew it a hand was pulling him back to his feet. 

“I...what?” Lovino was seething, his shame was clawing its way out of his body and determined to destroy him from the inside out. Every beat of his heart threatened to pop his limbs right off. Who the fuck had the gall- the unrestrained _audacity,_ to make a fool out of him, to personally attack him and- 

Oh.

Once his eyes came back into focus he was met with a beaming smile and crooked glasses. The person who had crashed into him was a chubby- no, muscled, wait, chubby was right- blonde boy with a fairly strong grip and an even stronger charisma. Lovi felt sickened and flustered at the same time. 

The boy laughed and pushed his glasses up from the center. “First day back and they already call me to the principal’s office, can you believe it?” He ended with a cheery grin, “Well, can't keep ‘em waitin, see ya!” 

And just like that he dashed up the stairs to the principal’s office; he moved a lot faster than it looked like he could. Lovino dusted himself off and quizzically looked over to the secretary at the front desk for some sort of explanation. 

She shrugged and huffed in amusement, “That's just how he is.”

The shrill ring of the bell reminded Lovino that he was stuck at school and should get going to class. 

-

None of Lovino’s evening classes were particularly interesting. Geometry, biology, geography- they all blended in and only served to remind him that the rest of the school year was going to be an uphill battle. His geography teacher said they'd have to study at least two hours a night, and they'd take a practice test the next class. Lovino still had no idea what studying actually was. He thought of his grandfather again. A familiar heat boiled in his chest; tears threatened to stain his cheeks with their foul tint. 

“Lovi?” His brother’s soft voice was wary and gentle. This time it didn't make Lovino angry. 

He blinked away the frustration. “Yeah?” 

“You seemed more distant than usual today, is something on your mind?”

Feli was always so kind and thoughtful towards him. Lovi knew that the occasional annoyances weren't actually a big deal, but he just wished his emotions were on the same page. 

“I'm fine. I've just been thinking about my classes.” It wasn't a complete lie.

Feli smiled warmly and looked into the horizon. “I love my classes, even though I feel like they're gonna be a lot harder than middle school.”

Lovi huffed in amusement. “Isn't that the point?” 

“Yeah, I guess so huh?” Feli chuckled and lightly swung his arms back and forth as he walked. “What do you think of Francis and Gilbert?” 

Lovi zoned out for a few seconds before thinking about Feli’s question. “Francis has always been kind of annoying but his lame friend is way worse. What was his name again?” 

“Gilbert.” 

“Yeah.” Lovi hadn't forgotten.

“I like him, he's so confident! A little intimidating, but I think he's nice.” 

“Uh-huh,” Lovi replied flatly. “Arrogant is more like it. God, he has a brother too, doesn't he? I'm not looking forward to meeting him if they're alike at all.” 

“They're total opposites, Gilbert said so at lunch.” 

“Really? I wasn't paying attention.” Maybe they'd be best friends. 

Feli threw his arms up and stretched. “I can't wait to go back already, I'm thinking of joining a club this year! Maybe something fun like cooking or cartography…” 

Lovino burst into laughter, “Cartography? What the fuck? Do you even know what that is?” 

Feli joined in, “No I have no idea, I just heard it on the news this morning and I wanted to say it!” 

For some reason Lovino felt fine, if anything he was enjoying the walk home with his brother. He wasn't on edge and didn't feel like anything Feli asked him was a personal attack. Lovi could peacefully get home, take a nap, and enjoy the rest of his evening. Joining a club with Feli was even sounding like a nice possibility. 

Before he knew it, they were greeted by the toasty air of their home and the familiar welcoming smell of pasta sauce cooking in the kitchen. Lovi felt like his energy was a battery that had just recharged. 

“Grandpa, we’re hooome!” Feli exclaimed while messily kicking off his shoes. 

Grandpa.

The battery promptly died and Lovino’s face settled into the natural scowl he wore at home for the past few months. This was the worst, he had literally forgotten his grandfather existed for the past few minutes. Lovino hurriedly slid out of his shoes and walked briskly towards his room. 

Lovi landed on his bed with a thump and frustratedly gazed up at the ceiling. He could hear the distant, cheerful echoes of Feli and his Grandfather catching up in the kitchen. Lovi actively tried to calm his nerves by studying the glow in the dark stars that peppered the ceiling. He snorted in amusement as he remembered Feli begging his grandfather to get them after his build-a-bear suddenly went off in the middle of the night and startled him awake. Lovi knew Feli had just kicked it off the bed in his sleep, but he wanted the stars without having to ask for them himself. He was way too mature to ask for that sort of thing. 

His amusing daydream was interrupted by two swift knocks at the door immediately followed by a heavy annoying presence bursting into his room. 

“Lovi, welcome back! Feli just told me you were able to meet up with Francis, how great! You already have a group of friends!” His grandfather exclaimed excitedly with no intention of regulating his volume. 

“You know it doesn't count as knocking if you come in right away anyway.” Lovino wanted to scream. His anger was twisting and turning inside of him, it felt like a pot threatening to boil over; if he cracked his mouth open even one more time the burning rage would sputter out and overflow endlessly. Of course grandpa Roma would think meeting new people was a good thing, he _always_ had an easy time making friends, just like Feliciano. _Of course_ it would never occur to him that making friends was still completely out of reach for Lovino-- it always had been and it always would be. Besides, all he cared about were Lovino's grades anyway, so what was the point of pretending he cared about his social life? 

Roma paused before responding with the same amount of gusto as before, “Feli is finishing up dinner. Get up before you fall asleep, we’re eating together tonight.” 

“Alright.” Lovi barely managed to exhale. Every ounce of his self control was dedicated to internalizing his frustration. He didn't even realize his grandfather had stepped out until minutes after he left. 

His rage gradually began to simmer down, although it still felt like it was just barely being kept at bay at the base of his throat. 

Feli, Francis, Gilbert, Bella, chubby jock, hazel eyes... The fact that Lovino was still thinking about the tiniest interactions with people, some whose names he didn't even know, really said something about the amount of interactions he had. He considered texting Bella about his day, but decided against it after coming to the conclusion that it just wasn't that interesting. Her life was so much more exciting, why waste her time with something so trivial? Lovino wanted to throw up after realizing he started feeling sorry for himself. 

Classes, clubs, friends, grades, hobbies. Lovino tried to breathe out the static in his mind. There was so much to do constantly; his anger was slowly being pushed out by discouragement. 

_If there’s no change in your grades by the time your freshman year is over, I’m going to talk to some of your cousins to see what we can do about you moving in with them.’_

No, he could do it. He was _going to_ do it. Determination, spite, and excitement overtook his discouragement in an instant and rushed from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes. Fuck anyone who ever doubted him, fuck all the people who dismissed him, who called him stupid and annoying and rash, Lovino was going to kick this year’s ass.


	3. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang comes together! Lots of experiences await Lovi

Day two and this year was already kicking Lovino’s ass. His alarm didn’t go off for some reason, so he and Feli were officially going to be late to the first two days of school. How bad would it be if Lovi missed his first class, though? It was _Spanish_ for Christ’s sake. He could honestly probably get by with just rearranging Italian and taking away some of the vowels. Spanish was basically just Italian with less vowels-- which is to say, objectively worse. 

“Oh man, Lovi, we’re gonna be late _again_ right after I promised my teacher I wouldn’t! Are you sure you set the alarm last night?” Feli asked worriedly while hurriedly pulling up his second pant leg. 

_“Am I sure I set the alarm last night_ \- of _course_ I set the fucking alarm last night.” Lovi replied mockingly. He had no fucking clue if he remembered to set the alarm last night.

Feli whined, “Ok, well, can you go grab our lunch from the kitchen while I brush my teeth and go pee since you’re almost ready?” Feli avoided eye contact and sprinted to the restroom without waiting for a reply.

Feliciano was long gone before Lovi even managed to start chewing him out. Feli fucking knew he and grandpa were on bad terms since summer, and yet, there he was, asking him to take precious time out of his morning routine and waste it on an unavoidably tense exchange with his grandfather. Whatever, the good thing about them running late was that at least he had an excuse to leave quickly. 

Lovi dragged himself into the kitchen where his grandfather was clumsily trying to arrange the last of their food. Lovino was familiar enough with his grandfather’s gestures to know he was trying to be delicate despite his lack of grace. 

“It’s just lunch y’know, you don’t have to be so careful with it,” Lovi stated in an attempt to break the tension. He could be the mature one here. 

“I’ll be damned before I let a Vargas lunch go out into the world without being presentable,” Roma replied without looking away from his task at hand. 

Lovi scoffed, “Whatever, old man.”

Roma held his breath while gently adding the finishing touches to their food. “Done!” he exclaimed triumphantly; he swiftly closed up the containers and placed them into the lunch bags. “Took a little bit longer than I thought, but it was definitely worth it,” he walked to Lovino and held out the bags, making sure to hold them from the bottom as well as the top to absolutely make sure they wouldn’t slip and fall. 

“Thanks,” Lovino muttered while avoiding eye contact and reaching for the bags. 

“Lovi,” Lovino tensed up. “I think we should talk.” 

Fuck. 

Shit fucking god damn it, why now of all times? Lovino was so, so close to escaping. The food was literally within his grasp. He had to get to school, why the fuck would his grandfather think that now would be a good time to _talk_? After going out of his way to make it seem like he cared about Lovino by “carefully” putting together his lunch, he just wanted pity. It made Lovi nauseous.  
“I’m running late for school,” Lovino barely managed to whisper. 

“I know, it doesn’t have to be now, but I want to follow up on the conversation we had last summer. I’ve been thinking about it and-”

“I have to go.” Lovi interrupted while snatching the lunch bags and spinning around to leave as fast as possible.

Roma’s hand brushed against Lovi’s shoulder, “Lovino, if you would just talk to me,” he insisted, the frustration in his voice subtly noticeable. 

Lovi's vision shattered, his anger went from buzzing to screaming in an instant, his ears were filled with a high-pitched ringing barely audible through what felt like water overtaking him.

Just _talk_ to him?

“Don’t touch me!” Lovino screeched. He whipped around to his grandfather, rage tearing him apart at the seams. “Just _talk_ to you? You never listen to me, you always cut me off and assume I’m an idiot, what the- what the hell is the point of even trying to talk to you? Last time we _talked_ you told me you’d kick me out!” 

Lovino couldn’t make out his grandfather’s blurred expression as he stared him down. 

Guilt. 

Lovino felt like like the air was robbed from his lungs all at once. The rapid, shallow breaths he was taking only made his heart rate increase and his confidence plummet. He’d done it again, he’d lost it and looked like a screaming, crying idiot. He even stuttered. No wonder no one took him seriously. A thousand phrases bolted through his mind at once: 

_You idiot._

_You’re so stupid._

_It’s all your fault._

_Just talk to me._

_How could you have let this happen._

_How could you let things get this far._

_I’m so sorry._

Lovino was completely exhausted. His nails dug into his left arm as he exhaled with such force his head fell. The phrases in his mind appeared slower and slower and merged into a gray static that took over his consciousness. 

“Lovino? Lovino?” A muffled, panicked voice echoed from somewhere right next to him- no, somewhere in the distance? Lovino wasn’t sure. 

Lovino blinked away his tears and slowly rolled his head back up; he realized his grandfather was kneeling in front of him- concern and confusion evident not only in his expression, but his body language as well. Lovi was too exhausted to feel offended. 

“I have to go to school,” someone mumbled. Did he just speak? Lovino wasn’t sure, he felt numb and separated from his surroundings. Or maybe he was merged with them? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he had to get to school. He had to get to school.

Lovino’s breathing was evening out. As his mind began to clear, a sharp pain took over. Lovi winced and tried to piece together his shaky surroundings. 

The floor creaked as footsteps rapidly approached the kitchen, “Hey Lovi, are you ready?” Feliciano’s eager and impatient voice stopped as suddenly as his pace. “What happened?” Feli asked as he sensed the heavy atmosphere. 

“Nothing, Feli.” Roma replied with fake happiness, “Me and Lovi were just talking.”

“Oh,” Feli responded, puzzled. “Ok, well, we can talk more when we get back, we’re running late!” He ended with a sense of urgency while impatiently bouncing in place.

“Of course, of course!” Grandpa Roma stood up from where he was kneeling, “Hey, Feliciano, make sure to tell me how the rest of your group members get along with you- you said more were coming today, right?” He added excitedly. 

Feli’s expression lit up, “Yes, definitely!”

Lovino suddenly noticed the familiar woven fabric of their lunch bags clutched in his left hand. Since when was he gripping them so hard? The exchange between Feliciano and his Grandfather registered all at once and he remembered where he was. Lovino sluggishly made his way towards the entrance and put on his shoes without a word or glance to his grandfather.  
-

Lovino and Feliciano were more than halfway to school by the time Lovi had recovered enough to speak again. His headache from earlier eased up, but there was still an occasional pulse of pain every few minutes. 

“So, um...” Feliciano mumbled awkwardly, “What were you and grandpa talking about?”

“I don’t really remember,” Lovi replied tiredly. He was telling the truth- his memory was hazy, and frankly, Lovino wasn’t trying very hard to figure it out.

“I see, I see.” Feli replied with fake pensiveness. 

Lovi hoped Feliciano would drop the subject and tensed up at the thought of him prying any more. Not even half an hour had gone by since he woke up, and he was already so emotionally spent that he could barely form coherent thoughts. Lovino couldn’t even wrap his mind around there still being seven hours of school left that day, let alone over a hundred days left in the year. 

Lovino didn’t bother looking at the teacher when he arrived to class and made his way to the desk he sat at the day before; he could already imagine her telling him how disappointed and angry she was. Maybe designing something would snap him out of his daze; Lovi brought out a lined notebook, turned to a random page somewhere in the middle, and began sketching absentmindedly.

“You’re Vargas, right?” The teacher called from her desk.

Lovino jumped slightly, “Yeah.” It was starting already. “Sorry for being late.” 

The teacher huffed in amusement- she already thought he was a joke. “It’s fine, school just started so it’s not a big deal right now.”

Ok, maybe Spanish wouldn’t be completely awful. 

The teacher spent the next five minutes clicking away at things on her computer-- long enough for Lovino to recover for the most part. He could have actually arrived to class a little later and it still would have been fine. Lovi began to entertain the idea that high school was going to be ok. 

“Alright!” The teacher clapped her hands and moved to lean on the whiteboard by the back wall. “Sorry that took so long, we’re trying something a little different this year with the foreign language classes and it’s taken a while to work out the details. Today’s class is going to be pretty simple, I’m just going to explain how-”

The front door suddenly slammed open and a sweaty, exhausted blur bolted to the side of the class opposite Lovino, obviously stumbling and crashing into desks the entire way to its seat. 

Lovino’s mouth was agape in disbelief. How embarrassing, God, Lovino would have died if he made an entrance like that. Feeling both shame and sympathy for the inevitable shitstorm this person was going to get from the teacher, he looked back and forth between them and her. 

She laughed. The class giggled. 

“Antonio…” She chuckled in amusement. “You can just walk in next time.” 

He had the goofiest grin on his face- how could he be so happy and shameless? And the teacher didn’t even care? Lovino was so perplexed, this environment was so different from anything he’d been exposed to. Part of him swore to never do anything as embarrassing as what he just saw, and part of him wished he could be so carefree. 

His laugh- his laugh was so lively, with the same genuine happiness behind it that his brother and the chubby kid from yesterday showed, but with a hint of something else Lovino couldn’t read. He was intrigued. 

“Sorry _señora_ , there was an accident on the street I usually take to school.” He ended with an apologetic smile.

“Uh-huh, you _definitely_ didn’t sleep in.” The teacher teased. 

“Ok, maybe that too! It was a little bit of both!” He replied while hurriedly getting his supplies out out of his backpack.

“Alright, back to introductions.” Her tone shifted to authoritative. “Like I was saying, today I’ll explain the gist of how this class is going to work. This year we decided to put AP Spanish and Spanish one in the same classroom, and you’ll sit on opposite sides at the beginning of class while I go over the agenda and teach the lessons. Afterwards, I’ll assign the classwork and you’ll have complete mobility of the room. I’ll be able to work with students one-on-one during that time while the AP students will be available to help the Spanish one students.”

God, interactions? With _people_? Nevermind, Lovino was going to hate this class after all. Ok, but, it’s not like he _had_ to talk to the other students, he could just ask the teacher for help. But with the amount of students they had in class, it was unlikely he’d be able to get her help more than once a day. Lovino groaned internally. 

“The point of this setup is to help develop social skills and make it easier for you to learn a new language at a conversational level. I’m not going to hold you to it now, but the goal is to only speak spanish in class by next semester. The AP students will strengthen their current skills by teaching, and the Spanish one kids will get the one-on-one attention they need.” She perked up excitedly, “So there’s no shyness allowed in class, you get what you put in!” 

Lovino felt sick. His headache from earlier was coming back little by little, and finding out the sort of class he was stuck in for the rest of the year wasn’t helping to alleviate it. 

“Antonio!” The teacher called. “Can you help me pass out the class packets? That’s the last thing on the agenda for today, after I go over them you’re free to walk around class and get to know each other. Also, since this is a Spanish class after all, I’ll go by _señora_ instead of ‘teacher.’”

“Of course!” Antonio responded a little too loudly- he was definitely not paying attention. Lovino wondered how he and the teacher got along so well. Lovi never had very good relationships with his instructors- it made him envious. 

Antonio realized what the teacher was talking about when she picked up the stack of packets from her desk, and he promptly made his way to the back of the class to retrieve them. Lovino couldn’t help but check him out a little. 

Slightly oily and curly brown hair, a little taller than Feliciano, the same sort of chubby muscles the kid from yesterday had, good posture. 

Great smile.

Great smile? What the fuck was Lovi thinking? He wasn’t, that’s what. Lovino blamed the invasive thought on his exhaustion. Plus, his braces looked stupid and so did his dumb teal rubber bands.

Antonio arrived at the row Lovino was sitting in and glanced at him while counting how many people were in the row. 

Lovino scowled.

Antonio smiled. 

Lovino looked back down at his notebook and started sketching furiously. Fuck if that guy was gonna realize Lovi was checking him out. It suddenly felt like the entire classroom was looking at him. 

Lovino took the stack of packets from the student in front of him and passed the rest back. The packet looked so... _boring_. He hoped the teacher- _señora_ , planned on reading it out loud, because there was no way in hell Lovino was going to read it himself. 

The class did, in fact, read the packet together. Naturally, Lovi laid low so his teacher wouldn’t call on him to read aloud. 

The class really didn’t seem like it would be that difficult in theory. If Lovino could manage to prepare a list of questions before school, all he had to do was talk to his teacher once a day so she could answer them. The tests seemed simple enough, they would have a fill in the blank section, a multiple choice section, and one short response. He could pull this off. 

Lovi continued sketching into the social half of the class. It took a good five minutes of silence before the teacher scolded her AP students for not being welcoming and introducing themselves. With how friendly he was, Lovino was surprised Antonio wasn’t the first to greet everyone. Lovino chuckled internally at the thought of him knocking over a few desks over in the process. 

Now curious, Lovi subtly peeked up from his drawing to see what Antonio had been doing. Oddly enough, Antonio was not so secretly texting, and probably had been the entire time if his silence was anything to go by. Lovino felt a little offended for some reason. 

“Antonio!” The professor called in annoyance. Antonio jumped in his seat and loudly dropped his phone in the process.

_“Y-yes señora?”_ He responded nervously. 

“Texting I see. That’s no way for the president of Spanish club to introduce themselves the first day. Since no one has volunteered, how about you go first?”

Antonio laughed awkwardly and very obviously retrieved his phone from the floor before jolting up and speaking. “My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, and like the _señora_ said I’m the president of Spanish club, but I’ve only been president for a little so it’s not that big a deal. Also I’m a junior this year.” 

“Not a big deal?” The teacher huffed in surprise before turning her attention to the rest of the class. “Antonio took over the Spanish club because the last- or technically current, president got sick close to the end of summer and he may not make it back in time to take over before the festival preparations begin. Antonio so generously offered to take over until his return.” 

Antonio blushed and avoided eye contact with the students and teacher. Jesus Christ, this bastard was such a mess. He makes an embarrassing as hell scene on the second day of class, gets caught texting by the teacher, but at the same time he’s the president of the Spanish club? Lovino felt a hot mix of jealousy, admiration, and annoyance. 

A handful of freshmen anxiously walked up to Antonio and started to ask him questions about the club and class, and Antonio responded enthusiastically. Within a few minutes, a group of students had formed around him and were chatting excitedly. 

Lovino was one of the few students who stayed in his seat and minded his own goddamn business. Whatever, if he had any questions, he could just ask the teacher later. Or, he could just get over himself and join the group. Grandpa did say to be more social- but also, fuck whatever grandpa said. Lovino was perfectly content listening into their conversation from across the room. 

Lovino felt another jolt of irritation hit him suddenly- why the fuck did this idiot have to be in charge of Spanish club? Lovino had already decided to join it- it was _his_ territory. Ok, technically, Antonio was there first- but _still_. He was also in high school longer, though. Whatever. It’s not like he _owned_ the club or anything. It didn’t matter if Antonio was already part of the club or if his grandfather suggested being a part of it, it was still _his_ decision at the end of the day. 

The thought of his grandfather made Lovino scowl at the painful reminder of that morning’s confrontation. Lovino’s headache returned.  
What had happened to him in the morning, anyway? Lovino remembered a flash of rage, followed by numbness and exhaustion. He had definitely gotten upset enough to tire himself out before, but this felt different. Maybe Bella would know something.

Lovino snuck his phone out of his back pocket and swiftly started typing out a message.

**From: Lovi**  
_Hey so something really weird happened to me this morning and I have no idea what it was_  
_I was gonna take my lunch and run out the door but my grandpa grabbed my shoulder and pissed me off before I could leave_  
_Also I yelled at him a little_  
_It was really stupid_  
_Anyways_  
_I dont really remember what happened, I just felt really shitty and tired afterwards, like, way more than usual_  
_Idk if that makes sense but yea. It sucked and I dont want it to happen again_

Lovino pressed send and tucked his phone under his leg while nonchalantly returning to his sketching. The giggles and laughs from Antonio’s group drove a stake into his gut. How dare they have fun without him? Lovino’s jealousy was rapidly beginning to boil until the familiar vibration of his phone made it screech to a halt. 

 

 **From: Bella**  
_Hmmm sounds like a panic attack to me_

Lovino looked down at his phone quizzically.  
**From: Lovi**  
_What the hell is that?_

**From: Bella**  
_lts like_  
_pretty much what you explained?_  
_lots of panic, feeling overwhelmed, it like physically exhausts you_  
_...and I’m really sorry about the fight with your grandpa :(_

Lovino felt irked at the lack of responses- usually Bella was drowning him in messages. He knew she was probably in class too, but he couldn’t fight the tantrum. 

**From: Lovi**  
_Alright_

Ugh. Why did he do that. The instant regret he was all too familiar with began to set in. Just wait for her to respond. 

Minutes passed, no reply.

Great, not only did Lovino throw a tantrum, he wasn’t even validated. Or was that better? Whatever, who cared anyway? Lovino shoved the frustration into the back of his mind. Lunch couldn’t arrive fast enough. 

-

Lovino trudged to the main courtyard, stifling a yawn every few steps and wiping away the tiny tears produced as a result. Lunch time was at prime nap hour; Lovi scoffed at the thought of a nap club, though part of him wished it were real.  


It suddenly occurred to Lovino that he could get a panic attack at school; a chill went down his spine. 

“What’s up?” Lovino sleepily greeted Feli while dropping his backpack. 

“Lovi~” Feliciano chirped.

Lovino immediately reached over to Feliciano’s backpack and started unpacking his lunch. No way he’d starve today. The familiar smell of Vargas food made all his troubled thoughts wisp away. 

Barely a moment of peace had passed before Lovino heard an all-too-familiar obnoxious yell coming from behind him. 

God fucking damn it. 

“Hey, guess what? My awesome little brother is here today!” Gilbert beamed.

Jesus Christ, two of them? Lovino dared to look over his shoulder- but not without his signature scowl on his face. 

Holy shit.

‘Little brother’ in no way described the person Lovino was craning his neck to look up at. This guy was what, 10 feet tall? Ok, maybe not that tall, but he was way bigger and scarier looking than Lovi would have ever imagined with the way Gilbert spoke about him. 

Lovino caught a glimpse of his brother’s reaction out of the corner of his eye. Both boys were shocked and with their mouths agape. What kind of freshman had muscles? Feli and Lovi both had noodle arms and cottage cheese bellies, it never crossed Lovino’s mind that someone their age could be so shredded. 

“Hello.” A large, calloused hand extended to Feliciano. “My name is Ludwig.”

Feliciano was silent and staring wide-eyed up at the blonde intruder. Lovino swatted at Feli’s shoulder to get him to pay attention to the hand above him.

“H-hi…” Feliciano trailed off while slowly and awkwardly shaking the blonde’s hand. 

Ludwig looked down at Feliciano quizzically. 

Lovino squinted at his brother. Oh no, he’d seen this expression before- Feliciano was infatuated. Lovino felt a heavy heartbeat in his throat and a cold sickly sweat on his skin. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for Feli, he’d been a flirt ever since they were kids. But while it was mostly received with a blush and a giggle by girls, boys were a starkly different story. The thought of this towering monster getting offended by Feliciano’s oblivious gawking and beating him to a pulp made Lovino want to scream. 

Lovino slid in front of his brother protectively and assertively gripped Ludwig’s hand in place of his brother’s. “Lovino.” He spat while maintaining eye contact. Lovino prayed he didn’t start shaking and thanked every deity he could think of that he didn’t stutter.  


“Christ you’re so uptight.” Gilbert sighed fondly while plopping down across from the brothers. 

Lovino caught Ludwig glance at Feliciano briefly before releasing his hand and making his way next to Gilbert. The German brothers were opposites in the worst way possible, and Lovino dreaded the idea of being left alone with either of them.

“So, Ludwig,” Feli cleared his throat, “what do you play?”

“I’m going to play the drums in band, but I play a few other instruments on my free time. Mostly bass and guitar.” replied Ludwig.

“I still don’t get why you have to be in music club and band.” Gilbert snickered.

“I respect Roderich’s dedication, it’s a nice change of pace to be around someone who takes things seriously,” Ludwig replied. “Though he can be a bit much sometimes,” he sighed and looked off to the side defeatedly. 

How the hell does he have time to play not just one but multiple instruments? Lovino had wanted to learn guitar for years but never got around to it. He couldn’t help but feel a little envious. 

“He isn’t dedicated, he’s just stubborn and pompous.” Gilbert rolled his eyes. 

“That’s such a big word for you, Gil,” Francis interjected while sitting down next to Lovino.

“Shut up,” Gilbert chuckled. 

Francis turned to Lovino, “How’d your classes go today?”

Lovino snorted, “Boring, but some kid ran in late and tripped over a ton of desks.” Shit, that sounded way less interesting out loud. He hoped no one else heard and thought he was dumb for bringing up something so uneventful. 

Francis laughed, “I wonder who could have possibly done that… how embarrassing.” 

Ok, maybe it wasn’t that uninteresting. 

“You love playing support, you pick it all the time!” Gilbert exclaimed. 

“The only reason I play support is because you always immediately pick the other positions and I don’t trust you to be a good support,” Ludwig sighed. 

Overwatch? That sounded pretty fun.

“Nuh-uh,” Gilbert responded while reaching for his phone. “Oh fuck yeah Toni got away from his club meeting today and he’s on his way,” he exclaimed excitedly.

No no no no no- not _two_ new people in one day, Lovino wasn’t even used to Ludwig yet. Maybe he could sneak off to the bathroom for the rest of lunch… What if this new guy was just like Ludwig, since they were both in a club already? Or annoying like Francis, or overconfident like Gil, or worse, super cool. What if they didn’t get along? Would the group abandon him because he had seniority? Lovino suddenly lost his appetite. 

Gilbert shot up and threw his arms into the air, “TONI!!!!!!” he yelled happily.

Lovino tensed up. Fuck, this was all happening way too fast. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad? Actually, who was Lovino to let some stupid annoying cocky newcomer ruin his first friend-group experience? 

Lovino dared to glance behind him only to see a greasy-haired boy tackle Gilbert, hugging him tightly and making the silver-haired boy anchor his legs in place so he wouldn’t fall back. 

Oh god, oh shit, oh fuck no. Lovino’s stomach flipped and his face burnt up. Not him of all people- anyone but that bright-eyed, annoying ass kid from this morning. Lovino bargained and pleaded with every deity he could think of, but to no avail. After a few seconds of staring at the boys hug and laugh, the realization that Antonio from his classroom was the same Toni Francis and Gilbert excitedly chattered about hit Lovi like a train. Maybe he wouldn’t remember him? Antonio’s carefree and charismatic smile flashed in Lovino’s mind and an instant later his hands were clasped to his cheeks and his eyes were glued down at his lunch. 

“Oh god I missed you guys so much!” Antonio exclaimed.

“It’s about fucking time you’re back!” Gilbert beamed. 

Lovino heard the boys settle down but didn’t dare look up at them. He began to slowly munch on his lunch absentmindedly. How did people usually breathe again? Lovino’s heartrate had skyrocketed since the curly-haired bastard showed up, and it was making it impossible to function normally. 

Antonio giggled, “Sorry it took me so long to get out, my teacher was being really insistent on me helping out more with club stuff.” 

Gilbert groaned, “No club talk at lunch, it’s boring as hell, also we barely got to see you last summer so only fun talk is allowed.”

Antonio chuckled, “Alright, for now, but remind me to tell you something later.”

Gilbert nodded with feigned interest while stuffing his mouth with something crunchy.

Antonio walked over to Francis lightly and hugged him warmly.

“Gilbert, we loitered at Antonio’s restaurant like every day, you’re just upset we didn’t get to do dumb shit,” Francis added exhaustedly.

_“We loitered at Antonio’s restaurant like every day,_ ” Gilbert mocked. “Shut up, ugly.” Gilbert’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh shit, Toni, we got some new guys.”

Lovino’s shoulders tensed up and he looked down at his lunch even harder. Of course Gilbert would point him out as soon as he figured out how to breathe again. 

“Feliciano, or Feli!” Feli smiled and waved.

Antonio turned to smile and wave back at Feliciano after finishing greeting Ludwig. 

“Oh, I love the color of your rubber bands!” Feli pointed out excitedly. Of _course_ Feli would like the color of Antonio’s stupid dumb idiot rubber bands. They weren’t even that nice a teal. 

“Thank you, you’re the first person to tell me that!” Antonio lit up. 

“That’s because you used to have green ones and it made it look like you had spinach between your teeth all the time, they’re not as bad now that they’re more blue,” Gilbert interjected. 

“You know it’s bad when even Gil notices,” Francis chuckled. 

Gilbert flipped him off while looking down at his phone. 

Antonio’s godforsaken footsteps approached Lovino at an excruciatingly normal pace. Lovino was lightheaded from trying to regulate his breathing again. 

“You’re Lovino, right?” Antonio’s disgustingly friendly voice sounded from above. 

Lovino snuck a quick glance up and was nearly blinded. “Yeah.” He responded flatly. This was too much- just an instant of exposure to Antonio’s smile gave Lovino whiplash.

Lovino put on his usual scowl and went back to eating his something from his lunchbox. Lovino didn’t even care what it was nor could he taste any of it through his nerves. 

Antonio plopped down next to Francis and Gilbert and stretched loudly, “Man I’m super thirsty!”

“Please, not today...” Francis covered his mouth and looked away. 

“C’mon dude…” Gilbert said in disgust. 

What was with the reactions? Lovino peeked up at the trio and saw Antonio holding a raw tomato in one hand and a water bottle in the other. Tomatoes are delicious.

Antonio proceeded to drown the tomato in olive oil from the bottle and take a bite out of it.

“Gross,” Gilbert stuck his tongue out. 

“At least he’s eating... healthy?” Ludwig added; it almost sounded like a question. 

“It’s good!” Antonio whined after swallowing a mouthful. 

“He’s done this as long as we can remember. The olive oil is recent, though,” Francis winced. 

“We keep getting it as gifts from my family in Spain and we’re trying to finish as much as we can before we see them again,” Antonio tried to explain.

Ok, admittedly Lovino also bit into raw tomatoes back at home, but fuck if he’d ever bathe them in olive oil like that. 

“Sure, you’re definitely not just disgusting,” Gilbert replied.

Antonio rolled his eyes and grabbed his water bottle, only to start chugging directly from it. 

“Oh my god,” Lovino gasped in surprise. 

Antonio’s blushed, “It’s not _that weird!_ ” He exclaimed, the tips of his ears slightly red. 

“Yeah, it’s that weird,” Gilbert responded. 

“Uhh...” Wow, even Feli was at a loss for words. 

“Feli’s not even defending you and he’s _nice_ ,” Francis chuckled. 

Lovino could see Ludwig’s slightly agape mouth out of the corner of his eye.

“ _Anyway_!” Antonio raised his voice, “How are the freshmen liking school?”

Lovino had never been happier to hear Ludwig speak. “I met the music club president over summer break and saw how much work it takes to even just prepare to run a club, I have a lot of respect for you stepping in so suddenly as a president as well.”

“Aww I’m blushing,” the tomato bastard was indeed blushing, “it’s not a super big deal, yeah it’s work but it’s fun at the end of the day.”

Lovino took out his phone and tried to casually sneak a glance at Antonio every once in a while. He’d been getting red rubber bands for his braces recently, but maybe teal wasn’t so bad. Maybe. Now that Antonio was in his friend group, he might get a chance to talk to him a little. Not that he cared either way, that idiot wasn’t special. 

Before he knew it the end-of-lunch bell rang, Lovino was surprised nothing else weird or out of the ordinary happened throughout the course of his meal. He regretted not savoring his lunch more when he had the chance.  


Lovino was finishing packing up when an unwelcome voice demanded his attention.

“Hey,” Antonio began softly, “you’re in my Spanish class, right? Funny how we’d end up in the same friend group!”

“It’s not that weird,” Lovino replied instinctively. Aw fuck. 

“You wanna walk to class together?” Antonio asked, apparently unaffected. “I have to go this way,” he pointed. 

“I have to go the other way,” Lovino responded without making eye contact. Shit, he’d have to go the long way to class now. Hopefully he wouldn’t be late. 

Once Lovino figured he was out of sight, he jogged the rest of the way to class, blaming his rapid heartbeat on his fast pace. 

-

“Francis just said he wanted us to download an app so we can make a group chat for the lunch group,” Feli stated while balancing on a curb they usually passed on the way home from school. 

“Sounds dumb but I guess I’ll get it,” Lovino responded. It really did seem dumb, Lovino couldn’t see himself being active in a chat at all, but he’d rather be in the loop than out of it. Worst case he’d mute the notifications. “What’s it called?”

“Discord!”

“Thanks.”

Lovino unlocked the front door to their house and began downloading the app while headed straight to his room. 

Lovino could probably heat up some leftovers after a nap; thank god grandpa wouldn’t be home until late tonight. “Feli!” He yelled from his bed. 

“Yeah?” Feliciano yelled back from the living room. 

“What’s the group chat?” Lovino yelled back.

“One sec.”

Lovino closed his eyes and let the urge to sleep begin to take over. He heard the familiar pitter patter of Feliciano’s footsteps approach his room and stop at the foot of his bed. 

“Here, I’ll do it for you.”

“Thanks.” Lovino took his phone from his back pocket and held it out. “Also, Feli.”

“Yeah, Lovi?” Feliciano responded curiously.

“Be careful, around Ludwig.”

“W-why?” Feli stuttered. 

“You were pretty obviously into him, and I don’t wanna have to carry you home if he hurts you,” Lovino’s heart really couldn’t handle seeing his brother hurt, and it’s not like he could do anything if Ludwig ended up on their bad side. Best to nip this crush in the bud. 

“I’m not into him!” Feli blushed.

Lovino opened one eye and looked at his brother.

“...Ok, I’ll be careful,” Feli hung his head defeatedly. 

Lovino closed his eye and began to drift off again. Memories of lunch were in the corner of his mind, but Lovi wasn’t in the mood to revisit them. Not that he really could, with the rate he was falling asleep. He thought he may have heard a notification come from his phone, but that was a problem for later Lovi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted a year and a day after chapter 1 lmao, I'll whip out the next chapter faster! I hope you guys had fun with this one, if you have any thoughts/notes/suggestions, feel free to drop a comment! 
> 
> Big thank you to my pal Marcie for editing this chapter again, I swear I'll learn how to properly punctuate quotes :')

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


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